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Tag2018 at 02:37PM

Love Island Game Is All About Six-Packs, Banter, And Random Hookups

Love Island is a British reality TV show in which several glistening, muscular men with sleeve tattoos and unaddressed anger issues are sent to a sunny island villa along with several glossy-haired, incredibly basic women who I’m pretty sure have their perma-bikinis sewn onto their skin, and are then expected to “couple up” in order to avoid being evicted.

Disclaimer: Brace yourself, folks, because today’s sexy game review is going to be painfully British. I’ll try to include a glossary as we go.

I chose “social media influencer” because I’m roleplaying as the worst person in the world.

Love Island is the fever dream of someone whose two interests are A) making people bone on live TV and B) gladiator fights. Love Island is near-parody levels of vapid nonsense starring a group of people who have jobs like “Social Media Influencer” and “Amateur DJ,” with hobbies like “tanning” and “is prosecco a hobby LOL.”

I took 82 screenshots for this story. This is just a small portion of that.

Love Island is glorious, my friends, in the way a Final Destination movie or a 20-car pileup is glorious, and now, it is also a mobile video game, a visual novel-style gossip-and-blowjob festival which I have been playing for the last few weeks. It began as something I was doing for your entertainment, something I could write about so scathingly that you would chortle happily into your morning cereal, and my job here would be complete.

But since playing through the copious amounts of episodes—there are five episodes per day in the villa, and I’m already on day nine—I’ve actually grown to love it. Unironically. Next I’ll be getting a butterfly tattoo and talking about my favorite Instagram filter. It’s a slippery slope, folks.

I LOVE YOU TALIA.

There is a character creator at the start, in which you may choose between skinny bodies with different colours of hair. Love Island is not about uniqueness, you see, it is about “grafting.” This is a word possibly invented just for the purposes of this show, despite meaning “flirting,” which is the word we already have for that activity. My avatar, named Emma, because she definitely does not look like me, was introduced to the men—a hazy smear of six-packs and smug grins—and then sent off to explore the villa.

Occasionally, she would have to change outfits, but if I didn’t want to pay gems—and of course I didn’t, because gems were also used for vital conversation branches—I would wear the same basic-ass outfit every day. Sorry, lads, I’m a stinky one.

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But I knew what this game wanted from me. It wanted me to thirstily lust after whichever of this incredibly forgettable boys has the biggest ego—I mean, six-pack.

So, I went for Tim.

This is Tim.

By Love Island standards, Tim was the scrawny, malnutritioned runt of the pack; by real-life standards he was a buff boy who’d skipped one week of crunches.

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Luckily, he also had the worst personality, being the only guy who specifically mentioned how much he loves “banter,” which is the calling card of idiots who have to transplant pranks and “lads’ holidays” into the hole where a personality should be. It’s YouTubers who make videos like “Pretending To Be Poor For A Day!!! LOL!!” and respond to criticism with “It was just a joke, mate” like it’s your fault for being such a colossal square. So that was Tim.

The game did not want me to date Tim. It kept shoving me into scenes with Mason, the buffest boy who loves—let me check my notes, here—working out, and very little else. Allegra, the girl who wanted to chomp on Mason’s buns the most, kept threatening me in order to keep me away from her beefcake beau, and no matter how many times I chose the option “Girl, I am not interested in that towering pile of steaks you call a boyfriend,” she would not take “no” for an answer.

This is Mason.

Eventually, I gave up on all the men. They were all so focused on lounging by the pool and having testosterone-fuelled punch-ups, as British lads are wont to do because of their fragile egos and, presumably, the near-toxic amount of steroids they take to keep those pecs perfect, that I just was not interested.

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I ended up hooking up with Talia, the only bi woman in the villa, and the sex scenes—illicit as they were, since Love Island is the most hetero show out there, even more so than The Bachelor(ette)—were rather satisfying, albeit in a coy fade-to-black sort of way.

This is Talia.

I’m really enjoying this game, even if it is based on a TV show that encourages strangers to fuck like rabbits after 24 hours of knowing each other, like Big Brother but the actual 1984 version, except instead of government surveillance and punishment it’s enforced sex. The branching narrative is surprisingly slick, and well-hidden enough that I can’t always tell what the game was expecting me to do.

You tell them, girl!

Unfortunately, the Love Island episodes are not yet done. I have about ten more episodes to go, and they unlock every week, so I’m fully expecting Talia to pull a one-eighty on me, where it turns out she was secretly a robot or something, and then Tim will yell “BANTAAHHHHH” and we’ll have to get married and go on a honeymoon to Ibiza, where he will do shots of tequila out of my belly button, because that’s just how Love Island works.

Vía https://kotaku.com/love-island-game-is-all-about-six-packs-banter-and-ra-1827899381 ʕ ᴖᴥᴖʔ Subscribe to me here on Youtube!

Old  Pokémon Gold And Silver Demo Shows Features That Never Made It

Pokémon Gold and Silver once had a bigger map, many more Pokémon, and even a skateboard, according to a new leak of a pre-release demo for the two 1999 Pokémon games.

First shown at the Nintendo Space World Convention in 1997, two years before the games’ release, this demo for what would become Gold and Silver would be the first glimpse anyone got at the sequels to the originals, Red and Blue, which had already become an international phenomenon. No one has seen hide nor hair of this demo since, until today, when a ROM was leaked to the public.

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Website The Cutting Room Floor, which is dedicated to unearthing cut and unused content from games, has released their spreadsheet containing all the information they’ve gleaned from the demo so far, which isn’t all on the wiki yet.

In this demo, you see that Gold and Silver were originally envisioned as bigger games than the ones that we got. Notably, the game’s map seems to be based on the entirety of Japan, whereas Johto, the region we actually got to play, covers a lot less real-life ground.

What is most interesting is that according to ResetEra forum poster ERAsaur, who worked with the Cutting Room Floor to extract information from the demo, the Kanto region from Red and Blue are actually in this demo. That large town in the bottom right hand corner is a truncated version of the entire first game, somehow. Also returning from Red and Blue are a sprite for Blue, also known as your rival Gary, and Giovanni, who was a gym leader and head of Team Rocket. ERAsaur notes that Giovanni’s sprite was on the map at the top of the radio tower. In the released version of Gold and Silver, Team Rocket takes over the radio tower to send a broadcast out to Giovanni, who is hiding out in Tohjo Falls. In HeartGold and SoulSilver, the Gold and Silver remakes, it was revealed that Giovanni heard that broadcast, and you can fight him at his hideout. Maybe Giovanni’s presence in this demo is an early version of that plotline.

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Another interesting find was an item fans long thought was scrapped from the game, the skateboard. Like the bicycle, it gives you a much faster moving speed, but unlike the bicycle, you can ride it indoors.

Many Pokémon were scrapped for Gold and Silver, most of them baby forms of already existing Pokémon like Meowth or Vulpix. (Gold and Silver introduced to the series the mechanic of breeding and raising Pokémon eggs.)

There were also different fire and water starter Pokémon in this demo. The Cutting Room Floor notes that the scrapped water starter looks similar to Popplio, who showed up in Sun and Moon:

Ditto also had a scrapped evolution in this demo, that was triggered by giving it the item Metal Coat:

There were also some early versions of Pokémon in the game, like Girafarig, which began its life as a freaky looking two headed horse:

This Pokémon, Twinz, was cut entirely, which is great, because it’s just fucking terrifying:

The Cutting Room Floor hasn’t finished translating the demo, which they say they hope to do. ERAsaur says there may also be a patch in the future that will restore the game’s original intro. While the Gold and Silver that we got to play were pretty great, I’m excited to see all the things that could have been.

Vía https://kotaku.com/old-pokemon-gold-and-silver-demo-shows-features-that-n-1826459725 ʕ ᴖᴥᴖʔ Subscribe to me here on Youtube!

Assassin’s Creed Origins’ new non-violent educational mode will feature 75 historical tours that ran

Assassin’s Creed Origins’ new non-violent educational mode will feature 75 historical tours that range from five to 25 minutes, according to an official Q&A. They’re set in the game’s open world and cover mummies, cultivation, the Library of Alexandria and more. Discovery Tour will be free for Origins owners on Feb 20 (or $20 as a standalone PC purchase).

Vía https://kotaku.com/1822969582 ʕ ᴖᴥᴖʔ Subscribe to me here on Youtube!

Assassin’s Creed Origins’ new non-violent educational mode will feature 75 historical tours that ran

Assassin’s Creed Origins’ new non-violent educational mode will feature 75 historical tours that range from five to 25 minutes, according to an official Q&A. They’re set in the game’s open world and cover mummies, cultivation, the Library of Alexandria and more. Discovery Tour will be free for Origins owners on Feb 20 (or $20 as a standalone PC purchase).

Vía https://kotaku.com/1822969582 ʕ ᴖᴥᴖʔ Subscribe to me here on Youtube!